frshrs party

hd my frshrs party 2day,...bt i realy cnt njy dat sinc i ws imagining it wud hv bn if i hv takn in dtu or nsit wd any stream i ws offrd ...i stil repentv dat awful stupid decision 2 go wd my sis advic...she is more xprncd dn me wd respct 2 resume settn in MNCs ....bt d big dreams seem 2 crash badly wn i find myself gettn admssn whr i nvr wntd 2 b dat is igit...i always wntd dce or nsit..prayd 4 dat day & nght , hd nghtmares ,my lyf seem to rotate arnd jst dat single dream in dese previus 2 yrs bt now wn my dreams wr near my bt i jst rejctd dat dream 2 entr a beautiful future bt i nvr knew it wud spoil my mood & prsnt aspiratns & dreams of a beautiful masti loaded clg lyf.i always blievd dat my sis do evrythn dat wl benefit me in future bt sinc i damn 2 upset upon my brokn hopes i jst cnt stop myslf doubtn evn my sis suggstns 4 d frst tym...i jst cant njoy evn partys frnds cmpany & my heart keeps roaming in an imaginatv wrld of dtu & nsit sinc dey top indian engineern clgs..my 1 stands nowhr in dr cmparison..i m realy dishrtnd ..i tryd lukn sumthn gd in wat i achievd & njoy evry momnt accptn wat i chosen earlier..bt nthn seems 2 wrk 4 me..nthn  cn enlghtn my mood..i feel ashamd 2 accpt dat i m studnt of dat clg..i dnt knw y..many a tyms i try mkn me cnvncd dat mine is gd 1 whr studnts 4m outsd delhi cum 2 study at..whr studnts r ready 2 gv lakhs of donatns nt evrythn hs faild cs wn i sit 7 thnk abt al dis tears seems 2 flow down my cheeks..i try bng strng bt my heart is 2 weak 2 evn mk an effrt...i jst dnt knw..i need urgnt help/..my family hs faild 2 cnvcd me aftr dr sincr heartly effrts by encouragn me 2 go on trips wd frnds,hv partys bt nthn is wrkn ..evn in partys i cnt njy dat..i show d wrld dat i m hapy bt my heart is nt...i realy dnt knw how 2 help myself..cs it realy is eatn me 4m inside al d tym.i cnt cncntrate on evn studys nor masti..i jst cnt bear dat,i cry al d tym bt nvr show it 2 any1,..as if my heart is bleedn lyn inside...pls help me whosoevr reads ds..pls suggst me sumthn.i realy wnt 2 njoy d clg lyf bt my dis sadness ll surely ruin as i for d frst tym faild in exams of clg as i wasnt nt preprd at al 4 thos as i ws lost in my own wrld of sadness wondern places 2 cnvnc my heart 2 hv faith on my family 's decision..pls help me i realy need suggstns 4 myself